Real Talk

Day 20: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

Patience. I am definitely struggling with patience. And jealousy.

(This is probably not going to make me sound like a nice person at all, but its how I feel)

So as I have written, C and I have talked a lot about getting married (for almost a year now). He’s been telling me he wants to propose almost just as long. But obviously, he hasn’t, or you would definitely know about it.  We’ve been ring shopping, but it didn’t go any further than that. We’ve talked about getting married before the end of the year and certainly before his season starts again next year in March.  Clearly we can’t do that if he doesn’t propose.

I am trying my best to be patient.  I know these things take time and rings aren’t a fly by the seat of your pants kind of purchase.  I understand all that.  By why keep telling me you are going to do it, then not following through?

One of C’s teammates got engaged this weekend.  They found out they were pregnant about a month ago (unplanned).  I can tell you with about 99% certainty that they were not thinking of getting married before they found out that little bit of news. She hadn’t even decided if she was going to move here full time yet.  I’m sorry, but I am totally jealous.  I have been waiting for months and they have an oops and now she get what I’ve so desperately wanted? Green-Eyed monster over here.   Funny, took him less than a month to decide on marriage and purchase a ring.

Wow. I know I sound terrible.  For some reason though, I just can’t help it.  I want to spend forever with C. I want to start our life together. I want to start a family together. From what he says, he wants that too. But it just isn’t going to happen with empty promises. I know when he does propose it will be amazing and I will forget I ever felt this way. For now though, I am running thin on patience and getting super jealous of everyone who “goes before.”

How do I calm down and just let it happen?  How do I tame the green-eyed monster?!?