Training Camp and Our Love Story (Finally!)

Well boys and girls, it is that time of year!  C’s team has officially moved into their hotel to start training camp!  I can’t believe this will be my third season cheering for this guy from the sidelines. 

I do have to say this is my least favorite part of it all. Having C move out of our home for 2 ½ weeks is just no fun.  I mean, he’s pretty much my chef so I am stuck eating rice or soup for dinner right now. Obviously there are other reasons but that one really stinks haha.

Thankfully the hotel they are staying in this year is a lot closer to the apartments than the one they had previously stayed in. We’ve been able to see each other every other night.

I will miss going to that other hotel though, for a very significant reason. 

Two years ago today, this happened.  Go ahead, check it out.  I promise it’s really short!

Ok, for those of you who didn’t feel like clicking, Tuesday, February 28, 2012 was the day I first met C, and it was at the front door of that old hotel.  I wrote a teeny tiny little post about meeting a boy and how I was being cautiously optimistic about it.

Alright fine, here it is:

“So....I met a boy.  Well, I've met lots of boys I suppose, but this one is special. He is very attractive, tall (6'4),  and a total gentleman. 

I've been helping out my friend A that plays for the Rattler's (the one I went to Vegas with) and given him a few rides around town. The other day, he brought along a teammate, C.  We totally hit it off. 

We've chatted during the day every day since I met him, which is really only 4 days ago.  I've hung out with him twice and we are going out again tonight. He asks me how my day was. He texts me goodnight. He texts me good morning. He even called to say goodnight last night.  It's been years since I've had a man do that. I love it :)

I wish I had better radar because what I can't tell is if he actually likes me or if he is just bored and loney in Arizona and needs a friend.  He is from Tampa but the team is currently living in a hotel for training camp.  He also doesn't have a car yet, which means he can't go anywhere unless someone takes him.

So......I'm being cautious.....but optimistic.”

Well, I have to say, two years later that I am so, so, so, thankful for that day and that we both did something that we really didn’t actually feel like doing.

Let me back up a bit. 

One of my friends, A, from high school was playing for the Rattlers at the time. Since the team was in training camp, the players were all staying in the same hotel, like they are doing now.  Since A had previously had his license suspended, he needed rides everywhere.  To be honest, I kind of had a crush on him but I knew he was absolutely and completely all wrong for me. He was a bad boy in every sense of the word. I had already told him that we would never be and we were just fine being friends.  That afternoon, he asked if I would give him a ride to speak to kids at a youth sports training thing he runs.  Now, this place was NOT close.  By not close, I mean about 25-30 miles away.  I really didn't want to give him a ride, but since it was for children and I’m pretty much too nice, I said ok.  I am so glad I did. 

Meanwhile, C had arrived in Arizona about 3 days before this. He was originally going to play for another team, but ended up getting traded (on my birthday!) and made his way to Arizona for training camp. He didn’t know a single guy on the team yet, so that evening he was just kind of hanging out in the lobby with nothing to do.  When my friend A walked by, he randomly asked C if he wanted to come and speak to the kids too. C was just planning on lounging around and didn’t really want to go, but at the last minute he changed his mind.  I am so glad that he did. 

Because I didn’t really feel like waiting around alone for A to do his thing with the kids, I had brought a friend and thought we’d find something to do while A was busy.  When we pulled up to the hotel, A came out and started crawling into the back seat (I have a 2 door car) because one of his new teammates was going to come along.  Then out the door came C.  I remember my first thoughts being “Oh man, he’s cute.  Who is this boy?” A introduced C real quick, then he climbed in the front seat next to me and we headed out.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how cute he was and obviously made sure to do the ring check right away!

C was supposed to talk to the kids at the end of their training so he had an hour or so to kill.  My friend and I had planned on grabbing dinner at that point, so we invited him along.  We all ended up at Margaritaville drinking margaritas and chatting.  He was actually late getting back because we were having so much fun!  

After watching him speak to the kids and seeing how great he was with them, I liked him even more.  I remember I kept telling my friend, “I like this guy. I wonder if he is single?”  We spent the night trying to figure it out, but never did. Once he was done, we decided to go out again to a place called Fat Tuesday’s to get “adult” slushies (they have alcohol in them).  Keep in mind, this was a week night…..I never go out on weeknights!  But we did and I had a blast.  I wish I had a picture of us that night, but alas I do not.  I only have a picture of him with my friend….womp womp. 

Where am I? Oh yeah....taking the picture. Boo.

I honestly can’t remember how we exchanged numbers or whatnot, but I am so glad we did.  We ended up talking constantly. I really liked him, but I had no clue how he was feeling. As you can see from the first post, I was definitely questioning that.  The night I was speaking about in the first post (that we were going to go out again) happens to be the night this post happened:

“So….he likes me :)

Our night on Friday was perfect.  We ate dinner at a BBQ restaurant (he sat next to me instead of across from me), walked around some outdoor shops, then rented a redbox movie (30 Minutes or Less) and drank some wine. We spent the night inching closer and closer together, feeling each other out.  Like I said before, he is just so hard to read.  Once he finally kissed me though, I knew.  I think we spent a total of 9 hours together and I didn’t want it to end.

We spent all day Sunday together getting him moved into his new apartment.  I think we spent four hours at Wal-Mart and Target. He made me laugh all day and it was nice to do something so low key and feel so comfortable.  It felt so natural. We ordered pizza and I even let him see my quirks…..how I put the pepperoni pieces off to the side and eat them all at the end because they are the best part.

I’ve never met such a gentleman.  He makes sure I walk on the inside in parking lots so I don’t get hit, walks in front of me down stairs (and behind me going up them) in case I fall, opens doors, and always sits closest to the door. I thought this stuff only happened in movies!”

I didn’t mention it in the post, but right after he kissed me he said “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been wanting to kiss you since I got into the car.”  (The car he means is my car the first night we met).  Um?  How cute is that?  I wrote it down in my phone and dated it that night, so I know it’s real! I think about that night a lot.  I actually still have the empty bottle of wine we drank (yeah, I’m a little sentimental).  I think it would be awesome to someday serve at our wedding :) 

The wine we drank that night :)

By the way, he still does all those things I mentioned above (liking walking in front of me down stairs and behind me up them). Most guys drop that “act” after they reel you in, but not C.  His momma raised him right!

The first (very awkward) picture we took together. He wasn't ready haha.

Well there you have it!  That is how I met C and part one of our love story!  I was just going to talk about how he is in camp right now, but how could I not share the whole story (finally) when that’s where it all started!  I will try to do part two soon :)

One Moment

It’s funny how just a little time can change things.  How one moment can change your life completely.

I was looking in my phone the other day at a note I have called “Blog about.”  The first topic I have written on it says this:

“I can’t picture myself married. Maybe because

I’ve wanted it for so long and it

just never happened?”

I truly felt that way at the time.  I had been dreaming of being married since my late teens and after years of being single, all the sudden I just didn’t feel like it would ever happen for me.  Like it was an unattainable dream.  I would try to picture myself in my day to day life with a husband.  Someone by my side through thick and thin.  Every time I would try though, it didn’t even seem like a possibility. I couldn’t even dream up a situation where that would feel normal.

Enter C…..

We’ve been talking about marriage. Gasp. 

I can totally picture my life with him.  In fact, I can’t wait for that. I never thought I could love someone this much, but yet I do.  I picture us cooking side by side in the evenings, splitting chores on the weekend, doing lots of traveling and raising a family together.

I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.  He makes me happier than I have ever been. Both statements I am not sure I have ever uttered about another person.

All it took was a chance meeting to change the path of my life.  God was looking out for me.

Not even a year after I started and named my blog it might no longer be relevant.  Whoops!

Trust.

I have major trust issues when it comes to relationships.  Like ridiculous.  It’s embarrassing. It hurts.

I have been burned several times in the past and now I am having a lot of trouble just letting everything go. I even told the last guy I dated (5 years ago...) I had a hard with trust.  He told me he understood and would be careful with my heart.  What he didn't tell me is that he was cheating on me from day one. 

I think I have been hurting C. Actually, I know I have.  I question everything in my mind. I make mountains out of molehills.  I imagine the worst case scenario and then focus on it.

I’ve got to stop this.

The fact that C basically lives in another state 6 months of the year doesn’t help.  My mind wonders what we are really doing together.  The fact that C is not a talker in any sense of the word doesn’t help.  He doesn’t share anything. Which leads me to assume for myself. Sometimes he thinks its better to just not tell me things (for fear that I might get upset) and then when I find out its that much worse.  Hiding things does not foster trust, it destroys it.

Last night I got down on my knees and told God I was surrendering this entire relationship to him. I am going to first and foremost trust God. Only then can I trust C.  I am trusting God that I am in this relationship for a reason.  I met C for a reason.  And whether that reason is a “season” for “forever” is up to God. Not me.

I am going to trust C 100%. I am committing to open up and be completely vulnerable to him.  I am going to give him every little tiny, shattered, jagged piece of my heart and pray that he is careful with it. I am going to quit questioning everything.

I am TERRIFIED of being hurt.  

God please give me strength and peace.

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“Never let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin

the happiness of your present.”

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own

understanding – Proverbs 3:5

Eight Letters

So…..more news about my Florida trip….and it has to do with C.

To backtrack, I went to Vegas for 4 days. I came home and saw him for about an hour.  Then met up with him again for a few hours with my brother in tow that evening.  I flew to Florida early the next morning. I was gone for 4 more days.

While I was gone we text occasionally throughout the day and talked on the phone for about 30 minutes each evening (which is big for us, neither of us are real big chatters). He would send the sweetest texts about how he missed me.  I was mush.  In a good way J

On my third night in Florida I was sitting around doing a puzzle with my mom and I got a text from him.  I hadn’t talked to him in a few hours, so of course I smiled when I saw his name come up.  It said “Can I tell you something.” Instantly, my heart skipped a beat.  I just had a feeling.  I said “What babe?” His reply…..

“I think I am in love with u.”

Woah. 

I didn't even know what to do.  I was so happy. Shocked. Speechless.  My mom and brother immediately asked me what was wrong. I wordlessly showed them my phone and they both agreed with my woah.

I didn't know what to say back. I certainly felt it too.  I even kind of knew in the back of my head that it was coming.  For days I had been day dreaming about how he would tell me.  That or how I would accidently slip up and say it and cause a REALLY awkward moment.

I had two immediate thought:  1) Is he drunk? 2) Seriously? You told me this over a text?!?

I was a little worried that he may be drinking with friends and that’s why he “decided” to tell me.  Instead of telling him back, I asked him to tell me in person when I got home.  That way, if he meant it, he would tell me again. I really wanted to say it back…..but I wasn’t going to just in case.

As for my second thought, I was pretty bummed that he had told me over text (although obviously elated that he felt the same way I did). Here I was dreaming up grand, romantic ways he would tell me and all I get was a stinkin text? His next text made up for it though.  He told me he wanted to wait, but he couldn’t.  So cute.  At that point, I realized it didn’t matter.  He told me in the perfect way.  While I had been gone for days, he realized that he cared about me enough that he had to tell me right then.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world now.

(The text that started it all)

(The first time he said "I love you")

Still…..I wasn’t going to say it back. I wasn’t even sure if he would remember what he did.  A day went by and we called each other “love” over a few texts (we had already been doing this) but no mention of the three little words. I was a bit bummed.

On my last day in Florida on my way back from Disney World (it was about an hour and a half drive from Tampa) he sent me a text that said “I don’t know if I told you this or not, but I love you.”  I text back, “You really don’t know if you told me or not?”  He did….he was just making sure I knew.  That was his way of bringing the subject back up. This time I couldn’t help myself and told him that I loved him too.

I couldn’t wait to hear it in person.  I still love hearing it in person.  He loves me. I love him. How did I get so lucky?!?

Official

He made it official. 

I know I am such a nerd for pointing this out, but I have a boyfriend.  The last time I actually uttered that statement was sometime in 2008. 

We were hanging out with his teammates and their wives at Coach and Willie’s and just having a great time.  We spent a lot of time listening to live music and dancing on the patio. At one point he made a new friend (he is constantly doing that) and was talking to this guy’s wife. I guess she pointed to me and asked him “Is that your girlfriend?” His reply? “No, but I wish she was.” Naturally, being a woman, she told me what he said.  I just got the biggest smile on my face and asked him if he really said that.  He tried to brush it off and told the woman she wasn’t supposed to tell me (in a joking way of course).

About an hour later (and admittedly a few drinks) he told me he had a question to ask me.  4^th grader style, he asked me if I would be his girlfriend.  After saying yes, he told me he was probably going to screw up at times and that I should expect that.  I told him I understand and I know we both will at some point. That’s just part of relationships. He also kept telling me he likes me “more than I know.”  Seriously, he and the liquor shots he was taking said that about 5 times.  I can only imagine what he meant by that, but it still makes me happy.  He likes me for me.

I know I’m 28 years old.  I know that I’m acting like a total teenager.  I also know that I don’t care. I’m happy J  Hopefully March 22nd will matter in my future!

All Smiles

Things are going amazing with C. I still really can’t believe I met him.  I mean days after I post how maybe I should just give up and just date someone for the sake of dating them to have fun, I meet someone that fits everything I’ve been looking for. I get to have my hand holding in the car, kissing in the rain, cuddling on the couch moments with a good man.

I guess it just proves that silly statement “You’ll meet someone when you stop looking” true?

C reminds me a lot of my brother and my relationship with him.  He is a little goofy and weird and isn’t afraid to just be himself.  He makes weird noises and sings songs and does silly little dances.  I swear I do all of these things when I get around my brother. Yeah, I know, I’m weird too.

The other day we were walked by one of those water fountains that shoots water from the ground.  Usually there’s a few kids under the age of 5 soaking wet and running around through it. Oh and C.  He ran right through it smiling and laughing and saying he just couldn’t resist.  I had the biggest smile on my face. 

Last night I introduced him to my favorite restaurant (Someburros….mmmm).  Once we ordered he walked by the counter and noticed there were coloring pages and crayons for the kids.  He got one for both of us.  So we finished our dinner and sat there for a while coloring.  I loved it. Its totally something I would do and definitely not something many men would do! Our art now hangs on the wall above all the other children’s coloring pages.

Everything about him makes me smile.

Music

Isn’t it funny how you can hear a few beats of a song or a few lyrics and instantly you are taken for a ride through you memories?  How a certain song can take you back to an exact moment?  Or even make you think of a certain someone? 

Being a vocalist, music is one of my greatest loves. I’m pretty sure you could say a sentence or two and I would start singing a song that ties along with those words.  It happens all the time. I break out into a random song…..often.

The other day I was thinking about how and why certain songs remind me of certain people and I thought it would be fun to really break it down.

My brother:

Boondocks - Little Big Town

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

I think both of these were just moments where we were driving in his truck singing our heart out.  I remember we heard Chasing Cards late one night when he was in town visiting for a holiday and we were going to the grocery store.  I remember the strip of road we were on and everything.

My (ex) best friend –

Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

This one of her favorite songs.  Even though we don’t speak anymore I still think of her every time I hear it. 

CH – High School boyfriend (he appears in this post as well)

Red Hot Chile Peppers – Scar Tissue

Martina McBride – I Love You

Jo Dee Messina – Lesson in Leavin’

Hmmm these three songs about sum up our relationship! The first was the play back song on both my pager and his when we met. Yeah that’s right, I said pager. Once we realized this we thought it was meant to be and it became “our song.” Yeah, a song with lyrics like “Push me up against the wall Young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra” and “Blood loss in a bathroom stall” was our song. So romantic huh? The next was a song a remember pretending I was listening to on the radio and singing into the phone when I was talking to him.  Hoping he’d get the hint or something?  I don’t know.  I was clearly crazy.  I had no idea what love was.  The final song, as you can tell, came about after we broke up.  Probably after he started dating one of the other girls on my pom squad. It made me feel better to sing it at the time.

AR – Another high school boyfriend (and also in this post)

Lonestar – Amazing

Dixie Chicks – You Were Mine

The first was a song I remember him singing in the car once.  I was with him in the back seat of his dad’s black Toyota Tacoma (I still love those trucks) and his brother was driving.  I think someone else was in the front seat too.  AR broke out with this song on the radio and I just thought it was the cutest thing.  The other was the song that was on constant repeat when we broke up.  I mean CONSTANT.  I think I listened to that song probably 25 times a day! I remember singing it under my breath when I was doing dances on the sidelines at basketball games and I’d see him in the stands.  Somehow, singing a depressing song made me feel better. I’ve always been that way. Weirdo.

DH – my final HS boyfriend and almost fiancé

I Need You – Sonic Flood

I had known him two weeks (we eventually dated for three years) and it was Valentine’s Day.  We met at Denny’s and his clingy friend came with us.  When I got there, he started singing this song.  He was a musician and wrote songs often, so I thought he wrote it. It was fairly simple with a chorus that said “Love, I need love, You are love, I need You.”  It took two years for me to figure out that he didn’t write that song.  Kind of ruined it, but again it still was “our song.” Also, yes, 2 weeks after we met he told me he loved me. Woah.  

RF – boyfriend

Tim McGraw – Taylor Swift

Isn’t that an odd title to read?  I mean, which is the title and which is the artist?  So confusing if you don’t know it!  I remember telling him in the truck while driving past the Cardinals stadium going southbound on the 101 (yep, that detailed) that I liked this song. Then we sang it together. Why that reminds me of him I have no clue.

WH from NAU – went on a few dates

Colbie Caillat – Oxygen

I think this song was on when we were making out?  Super awesome huh?  Now I will remember him forever when I hear it.

FF -  boyfriend

Starting Line – Bedroom Talk

Seriously though, this song is terrible.  When we first started dating he told me this song reminded me of him because I was a good girl and wouldn’t um….you know. The chorus said “I'm gonna tear you’re a** up like we just got married and you're all mine now. Tonight is the night we've been waiting for all our lives or maybe for just tonight.”  So yeah, he was insinuating we were gonna get married and then do that and he couldn’t wait. I should have run far and fast.

A the cop – boyfriend

Pat Green – Let Me

This is another one of those songs where I was making out and now it reminds me of that person.  The first lines of the song are “Keep your head there on my shoulder, let's just lay here for a while. We can hurry when we're older. And girl don't worry about tomorrow, that just seems so far away. Luckily me and you all that we have to do is follow,  just follow.”  It just felt so right at the time because I was laying my head on his shoulder and we were talking. It became “our song.”  I’m kind of mad I wasted that song on him, its such a good song!!

A the nerd – went on a few dates

Lady Antebellum – Just a Kiss

Yeah that’s right, I labeled him the nerd.  Because he totally was. This song actually came about AFTER we had stopped dating.  We went to a Lady A concert when we were dating and had a lot of fun.  After we stopped dating (we stayed friends) he text me one night and asked if I had heard this song.  Told me it reminded him of me for some reason. So now, its only fitting that it reminds me of him.

Well that was quite the list. I think I just detailed every major boyfriend/relationship I’ve had (and then some). 

I just found this quote:

“Music is what feelings sound like” – unknown

I think that about sums it up.

Best and Worst – Dating Someone New

Best:

Firsts -  first date, first time you hold hands, first kisses, first time they use a pet name (like babe or hun)….ahhh the list goes on and on.

Worst:

Head games – Oh my goodness where to I begin? Do I call him now or later? Do I play it nonchalant and wait for him to text me first every day? Should I say this or just play it cool?  If I really want to hang out with him, do I act like I don’t so I don’t seem over eager? Do I say this or will it scare him away?  What is he thinking?  Oh no, he didn’t text me, he must not like me anymore!  My mind seriously overanalyzes everything. It’s terrible.

Mr. Right?

So….he likes me J

Our night on Friday was perfect.  We ate dinner at a BBQ restaurant (he sat next to me instead of across from me), walked around some outdoor shops, then rented a redbox movie (30 Minutes or Less) and drank some wine. We spent the night inching closer and closer together, feeling each other out.  Like I said before, he is just so hard to read.  Once he finally kissed me though, I knew.  I think we spent a total of 9 hours together and I didn’t want it to end.

We spent all day Sunday together getting him moved into his new apartment.  I think we spent four hours at Wal-Mart and Target. He made me laugh all day and it was nice to do something so low key and feel so comfortable.  It felt so natural. We ordered pizza and I even let him see my quirks…..how I put the pepperoni pieces off to the side and eat them all at the end because they are the best part.

I’ve never met such a gentleman.  He makes sure I walk on the inside in parking lots so I don’t get hit, walks in front of me down stairs (and behind me going up them) in case I fall, opens doors, and always sits closest to the door. I thought this stuff only happened in movies!

He’s perfect, absolutely everything I’ve been looking for.  Which scares me to death. Is he too good to be true?

Cautiously Optimistic

So....I met a boy.  Well, I've met lots of boys I suppose, but this one is special. He is very attractive, tall (6'4),  and a total gentleman. 

I've been helping out my friend A that plays for the Rattler's (the one I went to Vegas with) and given him a few rides around town. The other day, he brought along a teammate, C.  We totally hit it off. 

We've chatted during the day every day since I met him, which is  really only 4 days ago.  I've hung out with him twice and we are going out again tonight. He asks me how my day was. He texts me goodnight. He texts me good morning. He even called to say goodnight last night.  It's been years since I've had a man do that. I love it :)

I wish I had better radar because what I can't tell is if he actually likes me or if he is just bored and loney in Arizona and needs a friend.  He is from Tampa but the team is currently living in a hotel for training camp.  He also doesn't have a car yet, which means he can't go anywhere unless someone takes him.

So......I'm being cautious.....but optimistic.

Chicken

All of my adult life I have been the kind of girl that only wants to date someone if I see it *possibly* lasting.  I don't want to waste my time, energy, emotions, or even money on someone that I know I'm just going to say goodbye to down the road. No one likes breakups, why prolong the inevitable?

Today I was thinking (albeit selfishly) "What about me"? What if I just want to have a little fun?  Hold hands with someone while driving, kiss in the rain, spend a saturday night cuddled under a blanket on the couch? I've been single so long that I miss those things.  Would it be wrong of me to just date someone who may not be perfect for me at all, just to have those moments again, even for just a little while?

Maybe I'll try that.  But probably not.  I'm just too scared. Chicken. Yeah, thats right, I'm calling myself names!


(Note: I have absolutely no one in mind right now, so I'm not trying to convince myself about someone)

Raining

You know that saying "When it rains, it pours?" Well, I think its true with men also.  It seems every time I actually do get a date or meet a cute boy....there's one or two that follow right after. More often several come along at the same time.

This is happening again to me.  Although, I'm fairly confident that either of these will work out to be anything more than a few dates and some fun evenings.

Mr. R is someone that several people at work have mentioned has a crush on me. Don't worry, he doesn't work with me, just in the same building.  That's not technically an office romance right? He seems like a nice guy. When we went to lunch the other day though he was quite chatty, which surprised me. I'd always assumed he was a quiet guy. We had a good time and got along well. There are several pro's to Mr. R....but there is one big, huge con which is why I don't even feel the need to go into the pros. His facebook account says he is an atheist. Red flags are flying high over here. I am a Christian girl and my faith is extrememly important to me and its important in someone I date.  I want the person I date (and eventually marry) to share my beliefs.  I haven't flat out asked Mr. R about this, so I feel like I should give him a fair chance to explain. I'll give it one or two more dates but with that crimson stain on the most important thing in a relationship to me I just can't see it going any further.

Next up is Mr. M.  I met him....well....um....online.  Yes, I've tried the online dating thing.  At first I felt so lame, but then I stopped caring.  I've met a few nice guys, but no one worth spending a lot of time with.  Back to Mr. M.  He is cute, straightforward and funny.  He shared exactly what he believed in his first email because I mentioned in my profile my faith was important to me. I was impressed. We ended up hanging out the very same evening he first emailed me.  We went to Dave and Busters to play video games.  I had a lot of fun and was able to act like my goofy self around him.  We made plans to hang out again.  Thing is?  He never contacted me the night we were supposed to hang out again (which was actually tonight and its 10:04pm so I don't think it will happen).  I'm a little confused, but more just irritated. Who does that? Sorry buddy, don't make plans with a girl and then not follow through. He was the one that suggested it, not me. Maybe he has a good excuse, but I'm not counting on it.

So as quick as it began raining it has stopped.  Bright and sunny over here with no more prospects. It was nice to jump in the puddles for a few days :)